Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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