took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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