oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Be still, my beating vagina.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
