What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
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