Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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