Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
