Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
