Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
