lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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