if i can run in heels then i can drive
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
