oh god the rape fog is back!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
