The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
from now on my penis is your penis
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
