Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
