I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize