He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
