I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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