i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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