I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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