im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
