and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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