so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
