worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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