i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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