i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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