I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
