Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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