I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize