i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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