"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
