I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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