dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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