It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
