pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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