Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
