I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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