found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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