oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize