Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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