Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
This house was built for laser tag.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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