just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
