yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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