so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
