you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
