he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
