I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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