I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
