You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
