your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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