i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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