New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You can't just leave with hair like that
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
