This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
