i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
