he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
