ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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