Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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