We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
