Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Houston, we have a squirter
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
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