Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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