I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
