I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
