Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
