But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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