Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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