Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
