CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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