Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
