i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize