The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
