stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
