see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
