Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
