I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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