Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
They should really pass out barf bags in church
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
