ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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