hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
