Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
