it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The beer is more important than you right now.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
