i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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