so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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