This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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