I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
